UPDATE: A Personal Message and Thank You From Me.

Hello everyone. First of all thank you all so much for your wonderful messages of support. I am once again overwhelmed by your generosity of spirit. You are beautiful people and a credit to the Morse Universe.

Secondly, i’m as good as one can be in this situation. On Wednesday of the 6th of May I received a call from Angie who is the head carer for the area in the nursing home where mum was situated. She told me that mum had taken a turn for the worse and her oxygen levels had dropped significantly. At first I didn’t quite grasp the significance of what Angie was telling me but she then said that it would be a good thing if I came to the nursing home. That’s when the proverbial penny dropped.

So I got myself organised and drove to the nursing home. Once I was booted and suited with all the necessary PPE Angie took me to my mum’s room. Mum was not lucid and didn’t respond to anything I said. Mum was breathing heavily and obviously finding it difficult to breathe. One’s hearing is apparently the final sense that fails so I am hoping she heard me when I told her I loved her and missed her.

As anyone knows who has or is going through the death of a relative there is a strange paradox that occurs over the following days. There is a lot of paperwork and phone calls involved in settling a person’s estate. The paradox is that it keeps you busy and so doesn’t allow your mind to linger too long on what has happened. However, when one is completing forms like the death certificate it all becomes real again and you find yourself crying again for the umpteenth time.

Because of the situation the UK finds itself in, my mum’s cremation will not take place until around the the week beginning 18th May. This of course exacerbates the situation but what can one do. I have decided on what I plan to do with my mother’s ashes.

Because of the length of time until the cremation and of course receiving mum’s ashes, I may try and keep busy by writing some posts for this website. But, don’t hold me to that. 😉

Once again thank you, you wonderful people for your kindness and support not only on this website but also on Twitter and Facebook and by email. I have read all your messages and to say it helps me in my current situation would be an understatement.

About thirty five years ago a good friend died and I was trying to find some way to deal with it. Being a C.S. Lewis admirer it occurred to me that I should buy and read his book, A Grief Observed. I did buy the book and read it and found that not only was it a wonderful read but was a comfort. Over the years I have had to rebuy that book about ten times as I never received it back from people I had loaned it to. However, I didn’t have it in my possession for around seven or eight years.

Then Laurence Fox named his latest album on the C.S. Lewis book and that made me realise that I would like to read it again. So, I bought it, again, about two or three months ago but as I had a plethora of new nooks to read I decided to put Lewis’s book aside for the moment.

I am now reading that book. It is once again a comfort. It is a remarkable book. I would recommend to everyone to buy this book if you are going through a loss. It can be bought very cheaply on Amazon and Ebay.

Anyway, I am waffling as is my wont. (People who watch the live streams with me will testify to my having that trait). Take care everyone and thank you all.

 

Author: Chris Sullivan

After having looked after my mum for some 11 years she is now unfortunately in a nursing home. I'm afraid her dementia worsened as did her physical capabilities. So, for the first time in 21 years I find myself no longer caring for anyone. Apart from my mum I was also a single parent to two children and also looked after my dad who had Alzheimers, (he died in 2005). So, I have decided to return to University to try and get another degree this time in English Literature. (My other degree I got some 30 years ago is one in Ecological Science). After a year at college I have passed all grades and now will start Edinburgh University in September 2019. A busy time ahead made even busier by my writing a book on the TV series, Lewis.

51 thoughts

  1. I’m sure the thoughts of all the readers of your fine site are with you at this time, Chris. As Fred Thursday would say, “Watch how you go”

  2. Hello Chris,

    Your words show that you are a gentle, sensitive man, who is coping with a very sad situation.

    Thank you for your writing them, because I am sure that their content will make others, in similar circumstances, feel less alone, after reading their emotional honesty.

    1. Thank you George. It would be nice to think that what I have written has helped someone else. Take care and I hope you and your family are well.

  3. My thoughs are with you at this very sad time, as well as my thanks for all the interetsing work you have done on Morse and Lewis.

  4. Chris, much love from across the pond. C.S. Lewis is the perfect balm; take comfort in his words. In the end, nothing can speed you through your grief. Rather, know that time does tend to bring a level of understanding and grace. If your Mum was like most, you will have a lifetime of good memories of her. Take comfort there and, yes, cry.

    1. Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I have a lot of great memories of my mum, thankfully.

  5. What a lovely missive, Chris You continue to give of yourself even during these most difficult days. Please do not think any of us expect you to get right back to entertaining us! You need to take care of YOU not us. While we surely miss your posts, we will feel better knowing that you are writing because you are ready to do so, not that you feel that your must. Your life’s journey has changed irrevocably and you must accustom yourself to it’s new path. Take care of yourself, Chris — we will most definitely be here when you are ready!!

  6. Aloha and good morning from Hawaii, Chris. I could hear your voice reading your words – it was therapeutic for you, I think, to not only write them, but to share them; I appreciate your trusting us with your personal thoughts, mostly we discuss all things Morse. Although that covers a lot of ground and can also be therapeutic, today’s post is from the heart. It’s true, you’ll find odd times, usually the quiet moments, when you can have a good cry – the very busy aftermath (I’ve also taken care of the “arrangements”) leaves no time for grief. I’ll share an ash scattering story, if I may – it’s my brother-in-law, and remember, we live in Hawaii, so of course, he surfed. We took a boat out to his favorite surf spot, said our goodbyes, scattered flowers from the leis, sang songs and then we’re on our way back. The captain lets my little niece take the helm and my very young grandnephew says he wants to see turtles. So I send a “text” to the turtle asking him to visit us while we’re here (on the boat, in the ocean) and literally the next minute, we all see a humpback whale! It was incredible! It was a lovely morning to say goodbye. What I’m getting to is I hope you have the chance to say a final goodbye in a meaningful, precious way – it doesn’t have to be in grand gestures but if possible shared with your family and friends (especially in these odd times). My very best to you and your ohana, Chris and condolences on your loss.

    1. Hi Edwina. Thank you for your lovely and thoughtful comments. Sorry to read about your brother-in-law. I hope you and your family are well.

  7. Lamento mucho la pérdida de su madre en estas circunstacias tan penosas. No encuentro palabras de consuelo para usted pero supongo que todo el afecto que está recibiendo puede ayudar. Mucho ánimo. Un fuerte abrazo desde España

  8. I read a Grief Observed after my husband’s stroke last year. My husband survived so the circumstances were a bit different but I struggle with a lot of the same emotions. I remember when my Dad died I had this feeling of being outside of my body almost. I think your brain can only handle things in installments and thank God for that. Thinking and praying for you as you travel this road.

  9. God Bless you -I will try to obtain that book for my daughter to read someday- Sunday is our MOTHERS DAY in the US I believe you have a different date in the UK but we all will remember our mothers and those that acted as mothers- in theses days of isolation- it is hard for many people and with your loss ever more so ;o(

    1. Hi Bertie. Thank you for your thoughtful and lovely comment. I hope you and your family are well.

  10. Hope you keep finding small bits of solace Chris, it’s these little things that can help keep us going during dark times. I’m glad you were able to be with your Mum near the end. Thank you for taking the time to post during this difficult time. Sending love to you and your family xx

  11. My sincere condolences Chris – a sad time for you – my thoughts are with you.

    Thank you for your terrific blog/website. M, L, and E are great programmes with excellent storylines, acting, and production values. I’m also a fan of Line of Duty by Jed Mercurio – another excellent Brit police drama.

    Thank you for keeping ‘The Lads‘ front and centre for us.

    Stay safe and well in these trying times.

    Best wishes to you and all your subscribers.

    CW-E

    1. Thank you so much CW for your kind and thoughtful comment. I hope you and your family are well.

  12. I am so glad you were able to be with your Mum. My mother and Grandmother had dementia. They grew not to know us but they knew we were people the loved.

    I know at some level your Mum was very aware you were with her. And I know you were comforted getting to spend that time with her.
    This is such a difficult time to lose someone. We recently lost a family member. Very difficult not to be able to have a service surrounded by those who loved them.
    Hang in there. Know we are all thinking of you at this time.

    If there is a special charity that we could donate to in memory of your Mum , please do post that information.
    Hugs from across the pond to you and your children. Hope they are doing well also.

    1. Hello. I’m so sorry to read of your loss. I hope you are coping and staying well. As far as charities go I have quite a few favourites but if you wish to donate I would be happy that any charity that helps those with demntia or Alzheimers is helped. Thank you.

  13. Chris, Very sorry news. But at least you were with her at the end. Here in the US, parents are dying alone (unless at home) because nursing homes are blocking entry for every one. It was a blessing to say a final farewell. I’ve heard the same about hearing being the last sense. Sincere wishes for you and your family. John

  14. Chris; what a remarcable perdón you are, Even at this sadly times, You find enough courage to reach and advice in magnificent words about grief and comfort. Brave guy, your mother might be so proud of You.
    Kind regards, dear friend. We are with You always.

  15. Chris, you’re a brave man for expressing your innermost thoughts. It isn’t easy for some to do. My continued thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. As with Laurence Fox and family.
    take care and may gradual peace come your way. hugs, Jennifer. M. Bruce

  16. I find it so interesting that you were able to find a connection between your loss, C.S. Lewis and Laurence Fox. Thank you for sharing that. I’m sure Mr. Fox would be humbled by that, as your respective grievings stemmed from two different types of loss.
    As I noted in my last Comment the day of your notification to your readers, we pray for you and for the memory of your mother. Keep soldiering on.

  17. Thank you for being so open and honest about the final moments with your mother. I hope you can treasure many happy memories of her. All my best wishes to you, and your family, during this upsetting period.

  18. I hope you and your children are fine Chris, as fine as one can expect during the circumstances. To lose a parent is a devastating experience but somehow one struggle through, one day at the time. You were also with your mum until the end and that is a beautiful way to say goodbye. At times like this it´s always difficult to know what to say so I´m just sending a few words of comfort. Take care.

  19. My sincerest condolences – losing a parent is so hard. There are many feelings and aspects of the loss to go through and more to come no doubt. Sending comforting thoughts and support.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful comment. I hope you and your family are well.

  20. I just left a comment on your list of pubs, and only saw this news when I went to the main page afterwards. So sorry to hear it, and my condolences to you and your family.

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