A Personal Post.

The last week has brought a few major changes in my life that have created a mix of emotions.

As many of you will know I have been my mum’s full time carer for over ten years. But mentally and physically she has deteriorated to an extent that I am no longer able to look after. To that end she is now permanently in a nursing home. She is of course not happy with the situation but I had to tell her some additional news that I knew would upset even more, and it did.

I have found employment in England which of course means I will be unable to see my mum on a regular basis. I think that news upset her more than her being moved into a nursing home. To say I feel guilty would be putting it mildly but I know it is the best for both of us.

Thankfully my brother and kids will visit on alternative weeks so my mum will receive at least one visitor a week. I will of course write often to her and send many postcards.

The job is near High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire (Bucks) which is bordered with Oxfordshire. Where I will be staying is only about a 40 minute drive to the centre of Oxford. This situation will allow me to bring the many Morse/Lewis/Endeavour video ideas I have to fruition.

Hopefully it will also allow me to meet some of at some time in the future.

I of course will not be posting anything in the next week due to packing etc etc etc.

So the situation and events are something of a curate’s egg. I believe however, it is filled with more good than bad.

Thank you all for your continued support. Once I am settled I will write a post and add some photos.

 

Author: Chris Sullivan

After having looked after my mum for some 11 years she is now unfortunately in a nursing home. I'm afraid her dementia worsened as did her physical capabilities. So, for the first time in 21 years I find myself no longer caring for anyone. Apart from my mum I was also a single parent to two children and also looked after my dad who had Alzheimers, (he died in 2005). So, I have decided to return to University to try and get another degree this time in English Literature. (My other degree I got some 30 years ago is one in Ecological Science. Firstly I have to complete an intensive year at college which starts at the end of August 2018. If I pass the college year I will then be able to go straight into Edinburgh University. A busy time ahead made even busier by my writing a book on the TV series, Lewis.

24 thoughts

  1. Dear Christopher, however stressful this situation is, it also marks a new beginning. Everyone has to live his/her own life. From where I am standing, I think you have given all you could. You have to move on. Maybe your health will improve too, it may all be connected (don’t know if you did get round to reading Dr. Sarno). I hope that also in your new situation you will find the time and opportunity to share Endeavour Morse with us. Good luck in your new job and your new life.

  2. I pray that your Moms adjusts well to her new living circumstances. I know that you thought long and hard about the various decisions you have had to make in recent weeks, so take comfort in knowing your final decisions were best for all. The best of luck in your new endeavor (oops, no pun intended!!) and look forward to your future posts. Take care!

  3. What a very difficult and emotional situation – I have been in one similar and I know the mix of what is best, reality of the only real option, guilt etc makes it all the more difficult. You have done amazingly well to support your Mum for so long – many would not. The new job sounds great and at least has a plus side – I expect we may see you at more filming and look forward to your insight/videos.

  4. Chris: My prayers are with you and your mom. I know what you are going through. My son and I cared for my husband until his Alzheimer’s progressed too far for us to take care of him at home. He then had good care in a nearby nursing home until he passed last October. It was wrenching to have to take him away from home, but it was a decision we had to make. God Bless, and thanks for loving Morse and Endeavour as much as I do. I have a Facebook page for Sean. https://www.facebook.com/murphshaun/….

  5. Prayers and all the best, Chris. I did this myself many years ago and my mother lived a safer, longer, and healthier life because of it. You are being a caring, responsible child.

  6. All the very best with the new job Chris and I really hope your Mum settles into her new surroundings too.

    I really enjoy all your posts but too infrequently take the time to stop and say thank you very much for all your research and enjoyable posts you make available to us all.

    Best Wishes

    Pete

  7. Good luck!
    You need to take care of your own life as well as looking after your mother.
    Be at peace. Fresh start!

  8. Chris: My prayers are with you and your mom. I know how hard it is to come to a decision like yours. My son and I cared for my husband, who had Alzheimer’s, at home for several years until he was too sick for our care alone. We moved him to a nursing home 2 years ago. Sadly he passed from the disease last October. I am not comparing our situations, just the moving from home to a care facility. God Bless and thanks for loving Morse, Lewis and Endeavour as I do. I have all their DVD’s and am rewatching Lewis as I write.

  9. Hopefully your Mom can adjust and with the other family members visit– it should bring joy to her. Good Luck in your new venture ;o)

  10. Life changes can be upsetting for all involved. Trusting that you are doing what is best for both of you.

  11. Chris, ditch the guilt! You have put your professional life “on hold” for so long in an attempt to care for the mum you love. However, you are intelligent enough to realise that you are not qualified in the field of care that is necessary for the well being of your mum. Get on with what you are qualified for & let others, suitably qualified, look after her as she deserves. We all have a place in this world & yours is to love your mum & ensure that she has the best possible care. It is NOT to deny yourself the realisation of your own potential in an attempt to make yourself feel exonerated from blame. You owe it to your mum, & to the world in general, to be what you are capable of being. Sorry to be harsh but, on our brief meeting, I think you realised that I am someone who speaks honestly. I sincerely wish you all the very best in your new venture & hope that your mum will receive the care that I know you would want for her.

  12. Hi Chris, I hope your mother does well in her new surroundings. Good luck in your new job. Thank you for all the wonderful info I’ve found on your site. Best wishes to you and your mother.

  13. Dear Chris

    Thank you for sharing your news. I am sure all your e-friends are supporting you in your brave decision and holding you and your family in our thoughts and prayers at this difficult time.

    With all good wishes

    Christine

  14. I was also a full time Carer of my Mum and it is tough. My Mum lived to the good age of 95 but had become like she was my Child because of Dementia. Her passing was like relief because I felt her life would not be to her liking. I wish you good luck with your new job and I am sure your Mum will find lots of friendships in her new environment.

  15. Thank you for your recent endeavours with regard to identifying the village of Aldbury on my behalf.
    I’m sure your mother appreciates all that you do for her and that the changes you made are for the best
    Good luck and I look forward to many more insightful posts regarding MLE in the future…

  16. I imagine that your decision was not taken lightly, so go forward without guilt and be peaceful in your mind.

    I wish you the very best of luck in your new employment. We are now in the same county so who knows – we might just bump into each other one day. Onward and upward!

  17. Best wishes, Chris. I was put in the same position years ago with my mother. Becoming the parent to your parent is one of the toughest situations you can experience. If she was not diminished, I am sure she would understand. You have given of your life, now it is other family members’ time.

  18. Chris, thank you for sharing your life decisions with us. Having been in a similar situation, I can sympathize the self-questioning and emotional stress you’ve been going through. You’ve made a decision that promises to be the best for all concerned.
    My best wishes and prayers for a happy and fulfilling life for both you and your mother.

  19. Chris, good luck with the new job and the move to England.

    there’s no use beating yourself up, you’ve done an admirable thing caring for your Mother and getting her the care she needs now is just a continuation of that

    Take care
    Tom Bowers

  20. You have been the best son anyone could ever have. She is a lucky, lucky woman. I wish you all good things in your new job, and know you will love being so close to Oxford! Now, am I remembering correctly that in the episode of Lewis (The Quality of Mercy) when we find out who killed Val that there is a little bit of smirking about this fellow living in High Wycombe?

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